This Will Shakes, and Never Dissapear

Thursday, December 30, 2010


I am in the state of considering wheteher I will keep holding on, to spend my only time left with my goat or take the option of euthanasia. With the critical stage of thumb cancer that have been suffering all this long, euthanasia is the only option left for me to end this final chapter of my life.


Just kidding, thumb cancer? Really?

Speaking of euthanasia, what in the tapir's name is that?

Is this euthanasia?

According to, euthanasia is the intentional killing by act or omission of a dependent human being for his or her alleged benefit.So if death is not intended, it is not an act of euthanasia. Thus, some medical actions that are often labeled "passive euthanasia" are no form of euthanasia, since the intention to take life is lacking. These acts include not commencing treatment that would not provide a benefit to the patient, withdrawing treatment that has been shown to be ineffective, too burdensome or is unwanted, and the giving of high doses of pain-killers that may endanger life, when they have been shown to be necessary. All those are part of good medical practice, endorsed by law, when they are properly carried out.

In some source, euthanasia is painless killing, but for me, there are nothing in the world that are more painful than death. In fact, death by euthanasia, more painful than natural death. So I think, we might want to give them or ourselves, some mercy, in spending our life, enduring every last ache in our body, because it will erase our past sins.

Wednesday, December 22, 2010

Your Party Sucks Big Time!



"Ok...Take a deep breath, beacuse we're gonna have a PARTAYYYY!!!Yeahhh!!!"

"Arghhhh, yeaahhhh, wooooo, yeargghhhh......."

"Dude, seriously, stop yelling like a little bi**ch, it's freaking the hell out of me."

"Don't just stand there, we're gonna have a party, right?"

"Er, yeah of course, what do you mean when I said we're gonna have a party?"

"I mean, don't you want to plan, buy some things or what."

"Dude, no, how many time did I tell you, our party will be awesome if we host it on the spot, I mean tonight!!"

"Yeah, like we did last month, when our name appear in a local tabloid, "The Lamest Party Ever", when Katy Perry sing a song with a lyrics, "You're so douche, no you don't know how to hold a party", in newspaper's crossword, with a question "How Lame Your Party Can Be?", when they put up a billboard...."

"Stop it, I get it, so how?"

"Okay, here I will give you a guideline which I read somewhere on, about how to hold a party"

1. Plan your party carefully, you don't want your party to be ruined by your poor planning. Of course, you need to take every aspect into consideration.

2. Choose your guest wisely. Do not invite people who you're not get along with, people who have the potential to cause problem scene. I mean, you want to invite people who are friendly, hot girls(important!), your ex-girlfriends? Hm, maybe you can think of that, I mean, you have got over it right? But not your evil ex-girlfriends!!!

3. Think safety and security when choosing d├ęcor. Large flaming torches are fine if you have the space in which to -put them so they are safely away from your guests. Otherwise, opt for small candles. Remember that fire can be your worst enemy, so use safe ways to bring it to the party.

4. Think Outside of the Box. Do not do what you do every year. People may remember it just because it is routine. You want them to remember it because it is special. Make sure that you try out something new. Make sure you plan it, though. If you are used to throwing a hula party and then decide to go for something completely different make sure you know what you are doing.

5. Make Time to Mingle. You want to make sure that you get a chance to enjoy the party or in the end you could miss out on a wonderful time. People will remember if their host was attentive and mingled throughout the party. You want to be the host that can pull off the party and still be able to enjoy it.

You should be as unique and as creative as possible when setting up your party. However, you have to learn about balance. You do not want to go overboard so things are beyond your control. You want a memorable party and that is fine, but just make sure that you make it memorable for the right reasons. Keeping the tips above in mind should help you to reach your goal.

My Ideal Wedding..(Please).

In search of myself in present and future, I caught myself in planning my dream wedding.

owwwwww, I'm such a girl.

NOPE!, In my defense, it's always a girl or a boys- girl alike, taking step into this whole wonderful one hit wonder thing. There must be a true man take part in this, like it or not, we are in this.

I have seen many lame and imperfect wedding I could say. I mean, it's the day of their lives, how could they didn't want to be in a perfect wedding? Oh, I talk too much, figuratively. So how I would describe my dream ideal wedding?

Ok, for the solemnization, of course, it will be held at the nearest mosque...but here comes the best part. Ready? Watch your step because I'm here to drop some knowledge. We're gonna have only one wedding ceremony, combined with reception ceremony. Because we're gonna have it at Hawaii, at the beach, with only close friends and family.HAHAHAHA, so cool.

(I'm writing this, in semester break, so my English is going everywhere, I need to go to school)

P/S: This post have an heavy influence from "How I Met Your Mother" TV Series.

Friday, November 26, 2010


Pfffttt!!! Aku nak gi cakap ngan ko, memang ko taknak dengar la, aku tulis kat sini, korang marah, abes, mane kebebasan bersuara kat Malaysia ni? Mana demokrasi nye??? Abes, kat blog ni, bende aku nak luah perasaan, aku nak cakap je, pekerja korang ni, tak tahu la. Aku cakap bende yang buruk-burk kat sini, sampai ugut nak gantung pelajaran, buang universiti, pasal bende tak berape cerdik , hampeh abes ar. Korang ingat ar, aku buang post tu, bukan sebab aku takut ke ape, sebab aku kat sini pun, nak perjuangkan lagi hak-hak pelajar, sampai korang nak buang aku tu, memang lebih la. Takpe-takpe, kat sini aku tak mention name, tapi korang ingat-ingat sendiri ar, korang tu ade, sebab [elajar ade. Ciao-Peace Out Loser!!!

Tuesday, November 23, 2010

Entry untuk Scholas and Anna..

Semenjak dua menjak ni, aku cam da lain sikit. Lain macam mane? Hahaha, aku cam ade terikut-ikut perangai budak-budak ni. Cam da kene influence. Sape budak-budak ni? Mereka ialah Scholas dan Anna. Hahaha.

Diorang ni coursemate aku. Da 2 tahun da kitorg coursemate, tapi aku tak ambik inisiatif pun nak kenal ngan diorang ni. Da kenal ngan diorang ni, baru aku tau, diorang ni sangat cool and sempoi besides the fact that, ble aku tgk diorang kat dalam kelas, sangatlah boring.(sorry guys, totally cools right?). Tapi bile aku dah kenal ngan diorang ni, diorang ni adalah golongan student universiti yang sangat excel in academic tp know how to enjoy life to the fullest.

Scholas ni, Sarawak mari. For the fact yang die ni kuat makan, die mempunyai body yang sgt 'who's-the-hot-bod-over-there' phenome. And she also a great dancer, meleleh tengok air liur beb. And die juge telah mencipta fenomena 'ZV' Discourse, where every single words yang die cakap, msti consonant tu die ganti ngan 'Z' or 'V'. Cam contoh, 'Babi'='Vavi'. Menarik kan? Dan aku skang telah terinfluence, damn it!

Manakala anna ni pule, orang Johor Bharu, yang mane die claim yang die ni belong to Singapore, I'm proud of you mate, "saya ade kawan international, yes!"(ape aku merepek?). Owh, die ni pn, sgt hot, with her lazy eyes, body cutting artist, made me rase cam hot je bile dapat jalan ngan die ni. And die pun sangat sempoi and best! Walaupun die selalu je cynical and insensitive towards me, (cet!) tapi die tetap banyak bagi nasihat berguna (muahahahaha). Everytime aku naik kereta die, lagu "Like a G6" (aku tak tau tajuk lagu ni ape..) mesti akan berkumandang, and die juge wat lagu ni ringtone handphone die, so aku cam cannot get this song outta my head, tensen je, kadang-kadang aku menyanyi-nyanyi sendiri, Watefrudge?

 *ini bukan mereka*

So, in a nutshell, bangge dapat kenal ngan korang, (aku memang fail bab-bab conclusion ni, so howzie?). Ciao.-Peace out losers!

Monday, November 22, 2010

Dap Parapapa, Para Para Papa...

Hahahaha,(gelak tak ikhlas) hari ni hantar Anna balik kampung, I mean hantar tu just 'bye-bye' je la, bukan hantar balik kampung betul-betul. Sedih la, malam tadi hantar Matmin kat Putra. Semua sudah pergi meninggalkan UPM ni. So tinggal beberapa ketul umat je la kat UPM ni termasuk la aku sendiri.

Kat kolej aku ni, yang stay, balik lambat, aku, Amin, Nik, Pg. Kimi baru je balik, Arip pula balik esok. Diorang ni semua nak siapkan FYP la. (Ape itu FYP? Final Year Project).

Haha, akhirnya Matnor, presiden kolej aku ni, da ade awek da, kantoi ngan kitorang kt SALA. Ape-ape pun Matnor, aku doakan ko bahagia je,jangan bahagia lebih-lebih plak, simpan untuk aku sikit bahagia tu. Aku dah la tak bahagia sangat ni.

Ha, hari ni, da genap seribu da orang view blog aku ni, *bangge-bangge*. Kalau ade seribu follower, memang gempak habes la blog aku ni, hahahahaha. Tapi bila aku bukak tu, dah seribu satu dah, jadi sempat print screen yang seribu satu punye r. Hehehe.

Ape lagi ek? Setakat tu dulu la kot. Aku tengah nagntok lagi ar, xtahu asal,manjang je ngantok.Okeh!-Peace Out Loser!

Sunday, November 21, 2010

PMS..(Bak kata Scholas)

Oi bodoh, asal aku sentap gile vavi hari ni? Oh ye, sebab hari ni, kawan- kawan aku da start blah balik kampung dah. Adeh, benci betul aku dengan perasaan nih. Kalau bab kawan-kawan ni, aku akan jadi macam perempuan sikit (tapi takde ar menangis-menangis), aku memang tersangat sayang ngan kawan-kawan aku semue. Cam hampeh je entry aku arini, sgt mellow and keperempuanan..hahahaha.

Takdela kan, aku sgt treasure kawan-kawan aku ni. Bile pikr yang, lame pulak nak jumpe ngan diorang ni, rase sayu je. Kene pulak macam hari ini, aku tolong kawan aku, si Scholas ni pindah rumah, sebak dow...Nanti, sem depan memang sangat jarang la jumpe, die dah tak duduk kolej and kitorang takde kelas same dah.

Dahlah, aku dah malas nak tulis panjang-panjang entry ni, nanti menangis pulak,hahaha. Aku nak gi jumpe Matmin before die balik...Peace out suckers!

I'm Screwed!

Aku tak tau la nak cakap camne, memang serabai abes ar. First time kene bende ni, aku terpikir, "abes ar,abes ar",  tu je yang berlegar-legar kat palehotak aku ni. Aku tak tau nak wat camne, terus lost, setiap kali aku kene, mesti aku akan teresak-esak penyu. Selekeh gile dow, cam nak klonkan diri sendiri, pastu lempang diri aku ni laju-laju.

Ramai dah nasihat aku, ambik pendekatan ni, pendekatan tu, aku tak boleh, it's just not me, ok. So please people, stop forcing me to do something that I don't like. Aku just fikir pun ape yang diorang suruh aku buat, aku dah nak termuntah, tak sanggup aku, biarla aku bergelumang dalam masalah ni, aku rela.

 *aku sendiri tak tau ape motif gambar ni*

Yela, daripada makan ubat, pahit, tak sedap besar gedabak tu, baik aku biar je selsema ni hilang sendiri, biala abes banyak mane pun tisu ni aku gune, sukehati aku la..Aih,selsema-selsema, you guys germs really "make" my day la.Korang terbaik! BLEU!

Saturday, November 20, 2010

Who The Hell Is Beau Bokan?

Ha, sape-sape yang follow blog aku ni, mesti tertanye-tanye, sape kejadah Beau Bokan ni? And btw, Beau tu sebutan die Bow, as in "Bowtie". Bukan Biyo ke, Bau ke,ape kejadah lagi ke. Ok, sambung balik, kalau korang tak terwonder-wonder pun asal aku gune name Beau Bokan, biar ah, blog aku, suke hati aku ar. Hahahahaha.

Ok, first of all, Beau ni, vocalist band Blessthefall (BTF), band favorite aku ni. Die ni join BTF pas Craig Mabbit(skarang vocalist band Escape The Fate, in which aku minat jugak band ni), blah sebab ade urusan keluarga, dikatakan yang Craig nak blah kejap je, sebab nak jaga anak perempuan die. So terkontang-kantingla BTF nak abeskan diorang punye warped-tour ni, tinggal Jared Warth nyanyi sorang-sorang, padahal die tukang screamer je kot. Pastu, Craig nak masuk balik BTF, diorang tak terima dah la, kesian gak kat Craig, tapi nak wat camne.

So, cari punye cari,jumpe la ngan si Beau ni,Beau ni ex-vocalist band Take The Crown,(band kejadah ape ntah, tak penah dengar pon). Jadi sekarang, Beau la jadi vocalist baru BTF. Suara die power kot. Die da rakam album Witness, tahun 2009, memang best kencang la lagu-lagu dalam tu.

Tu je la aku nak cerita pasal Beau Bokan, tak banyak sangat dapat info tentang die ok...

Luahan Perasaan...

Hari ni, last paper aku ok, maka tamatlah sem 4 aku kt UPM ni, ade lagi 2 sem...Mmg cam cabai sket, xleh jawab dowh,cam haram je aku jawab td, tp xpe, berserah je la,sape suh ko tido!!Bkn salah aku r,aku da set jam nk bgn kul 5 nk wat last revision,skali tak terbangun plak,sentap tul aku ngan handset aku ni...

Pastu,hari ni, Amin,Nik,Arip,Acap,Amir gi mendaki Gunung Nuang,baru je bertolak tu,sempat lagi nak catch up.Diorang ajak aku ikot diorang sekali,aku cakap sori r,aku bukan jenis outdoor sangat.hahaha...Then,ape yang sedihnye,Amin pinjam gitar aku wat naik gunung,aku harap baby aku tu tak ape-ape la.."Amin!!!jaga elok-elok gitar aku tu!!!".

Hari ni, pas abes exam,aku lepak-lepak la depan dewan pekse tu,tunggu si Amin ni,sebab aku nek motor ngan die,pastu si Lina ngan Sabryna ade kt situ, Erdiani pun ade gak. Tapi, ape yang aku terkejutnye,tibe-tibe si Sabryna ngan Lina ni tanye aku,interrogate aku,tanye aku pasal aku ngan si Si Vavi ni.(Nanti-natila aku cerita pasal aku ngan Si Vavi ni, nak cerita pasal bende ni dulu).

Then aku cerita-cerita la semua kat diorang ni, then diorang pun cakap, yang Si Vavi ni, cakap aku gila-gila tangkap cintan ngan die,clingy ngan die,takleh get over her. What The FFF!!!Memang terkejut anjing r aku cakap,bile tahu semua ni.Aku punyela nak jaga air muka die,jaga name die,tak bagitau orang yang die tu,merayu-rayu kat aku suh jangan tinggalkan die.Memang macam fuck la perangai Si Vavi ni.

Memang tadi,semua ugly truth pasal SV ni kuar daripada ex-bestfriend die ni,(aku taknak cakapla ape SV ni da buat kat diorang).Aku memang bengang gile r,bile tahu semua bende-bende,yang melibatkan aku.Nasib baik da abis exam da.Fuck U la Vavi!!!!

Friday, November 19, 2010

Tepuk, tepuk untuk Mike Portnov

Seperti yang semua peminat-peminat Avenged Sevenfold (A7X)dah tau, yang pemain dram A7X, Jimmy "The Rev" Sullivan meninggal dunia tahun lepas, 28 December 2010. Jadi, A7X ni telah kehilangan seorang pemain dram yang berbakat gile ar dalam industri muzik dunia, bukan tanah air, tapi dunia.

Sebelum The Rev meninggal dunia tu, diorang tengah rakam album baru, "Nightmare" yang direlease awal tahun ni. Jadi, diorang short drummer r kire. Cari punye cari tu, diorang panggil la Mike Portnov, untuk habiskan ape yang ditinggalkan oleh The Rev ni. Kene plak, Mike ni Drummer favorite The Rev of all time, mmg sentimental abes ar.

Aku da dgr abes da sume lagu-lagu lam album "Nightmare" ni, boleh kate semua lagu-lagu dalam album tu, dedicate utk mendiang The Rev ni, tapi kalau korang dengar abes n cam dig the meaning dalam lagu2 baru diorang ni, diorang cam bawak banyak perubahan, lagu-lagu diorang memang tambah sempoi r, memang tambah minat aku kat A7X ni.

berbalik kepada Mike Portnov, die cakap, die memang enjoy abes la kerja ngan A7X ni, tp die cakap, die ade commitment lak ngan Dream Theater die ni, tapi, ade tapi lagi, die akan stay ngan A7X utk the whole year, utk diorang abeskan tour diorang ni.

"However, I will be able to join my brothers in Avenged Sevenfold for at least the duration of their touring throughout 2010...and hopefully this will give them the time to continue to heal and get comfortable back on the road...."-Mike Portnov of Dream Theater

*Poyo nak mampos je ko,hahaha*

Walaupun cite ni cam dah lame, tapi aku tetap nak tulis gak, sebab aku nak tulis r, bia r...
Aku memang salute habes ar kt ko Mike, walaupun aku tak layan pun DT nih..-ciao!

Sumber- Avenged Sevenfold Official Site

Aku ade gitar...

Ni post aku yang ketiga arini, jam ni. Aku da jadi agak sewel sket sebab study Discourse Analysis ni,(esok ade exam beb)...

Tapi aku take a break jap,(bapak r aku punye take a break, da boleh gi KLCC jalan kaki, pastu balik kolej balik da..) main2 gitar semua. Ni entry pasal aku punye gitar, xyah sebut jenama la, boleh kan, malu je. Gitar aku ni, baru je aku beli, aku beli ngan mamat yang jual tomyam kt area Seri Serdang ni, masa tu sahur, pastu die kate nak jual gitar, aku ape lagi, rembat r, rindu kat gitar aku kt rumah punye pasal.

Best dow gitar aku, walaupun x berjenama, tp best gle men gitar ni. Sebab aku selalu sgt main, tali die da berkarat da, hampeh tol, bunyi pon da mati. Tensen aku, da la semua tu, nak salin satu set takde duit lagi, so belasah main ni je la dulu.

Baiklah, aku perlu kembali semula ke arah menstudy DA ni, (padahal tengah siap2 nak gi main futsal). Sape2 yang baik hati nak tolong aku salin tali gitar aku tu, satu set, contact aku ok.

agak2, macam ni la gitar aku..hahahaha

Perubahan...(Post sentap)

Kalau tengok post2 sebelum ni, ngan post latest (The Fall of Troy), mesti korang tertanye2, "kenape manusia cepat sangat berubah?"

Suke hati aku r, bukannye kene bayar ke, kene daftar borang ngan blogger ke ape ke nk tukar style.
Biase r, aku tengok, wat post2 camtu pun, bukannye ade orang nak bace, aku bukannye Shakespeare orang terhegeh2 sangat nak bace aku punye karya, cewah.

Lagipun, mesti korang nyampah jugak, baca bende tah ape2 tu kecuali Qiez.

And lagi satu tu, english die memang power kot, and tulisan die sgt la berkesan, no wonder la ramai gle follow blog die, walaupun die bukan tulis pasal gosip2 artis. Respek sama u Qiez.

So, aku decide, nak tulis bende yang biase2 je la, untuk tatapan umum, sesuai untuk semua lapisan masyarakat.

Tapi aku xde la give up terus dari dunia penulisan kreatif, nanti ade gak aku selit2 post tulis tentang nak mati ni, caye ar..

The Fall of Troy

Dgr tajuk sekali cam tajuk game dowh, xpon tajuk movie, tapi tidak sama sekali...
The Fall of Troy (TFoT) ni adelah band progressive rock, post-hardcore, mathcore.
Diorang ni asal dari Mukilteo, Washington. Band ni sempoi gle bai wa cakap, yang pling sempoi die punye vocalist merangkap gitarist, keyboard dan program. Mane x sempoi, sambil nyanyi, leh plak die menkan riff-riff yg ckup memberangsangkan, susah tu....

First time aku dengar, dorg pye lagu ialah lagu F.C.P.R.E.M.I.X. ni, ngan video sekali aku tengok,pergh, mmg tangkap cintan r, dgn riff yang power, dgn vokal yg mantap, ps2 ade harsh scream sket2. Aku dgr lagu ni, sbb member aku Amin suh dgr, mmg syok r. Tapi lagu ni time diorg lineup lame lagi, ala lineup lame pn, bassist je lain Tim Ward ni da blah da, ganti ngan African-American punye bassist, Amin cakap, Tim takleh catchup talent ngan diorang2 ni semua, Amin exper oo bab2 muzik ni. Aku caye cakap die...

Ha, ni la lineup lame diorang, Tim Ward tu kat tengah...

Ni plak lineup baru diorang, maksud aku bassist baru diorang la, kiri sekali 2, Frank Ene..

Serious wey, best nak mampos band ni, layan r...

I Support Amirul Nizam.


Saya, selaku pemegang No. Ic 129811-90-8977 dengan ini, menyeru kepada untuk memberi Lenovo Ideapad U460 ini kepada Encik Amirul Nizam.

Hal ini kerana, Lenovo Ideapad U460 ini amat bermakna kepada beliau, kerana beliau telah bercita-cita untuk memiliki Laptop ini ketika beliau masih muda remaja lagi. Sedari kecil hinggalah dah tua berjanggut, beliau menyimpan duit, tetapi akhirnya kecundang kepada keinginan untuk membeli aiskrim pop.

Tetapi sekiranya beliau dapat memiliki Lenovo Ideapad U460 ini, mungkin beliau akan meninggalkan segala perlakuan buruknya seperi mengorek hidung sambil bermain badminton, dan memulakan hari beliau dengan lebih bersemangat bersama Lenovo Ideapad U460 di sisi.

Sekian, terima kasih.

Yang menjalankan tugas.

Wednesday, November 10, 2010

Hey Beau...

I watched the sun again, it's leaving now
I've spent all night long trying to figure out
What I've lost and what I've failed
When my feet won't hit the ground
Trying to make it, starting over
And will we ever love again?

Hey baby, are you alone tonight?
How can we make it?
Hey baby, looks like you were wrong
It's never too late, too late

So here we are again, to make some sense of it all
All these "sorry" changes, maybe tonight's no different
Rearrange the pieces, like it's all we know
It's all we know maybe

Hey baby, are you alone tonight?
How can we make it?
Hey baby, looks like you were wrong
It's never too late, too late

I can't put it together, what we missed
The pieces keep falling one by one
Cause this life is us holding on
Fall tomorrow then it's gone
Fall tomorrow then I'm gone

Hey baby, it looks like you were wrong
How can we make it?

Hey baby, are you alone tonight?
How can we make it?
Hey baby, looks like you were wrong
It's never too late, too late

(Take it all, leave this place behind)

There's no one else tonight

Wednesday, November 3, 2010


Come on comrades, we'll march to the top of the glory,
As their hand could never take down our barricade's tree,
They should have known what will kill them,
We are the one who abolish all the damned,
Should they even struck us with gigantic weapon,
But we will rise and command the Armageddon,
They can flee in the middle of the dust,
They can build a wall but will teared down like a broken glass,
We put our sword up above the sky,
And they summon the devil that will never fly,
Because their wing will never flap,
When we made the storm with one clap,
Stand back drop to your knee,

Tuesday, November 2, 2010


I'd love to have my mind cleared up for the things that I've been through,
And just want you to know that what you see in me is not true,
Cause I shall burn the purity in your eyes, better look me as a fool,
And you claim you will be with me in black and blue,
Spark in your eyes that would start a fire,
The fire that only satisfies your desire,
You show your wings that I would admire,
But your wings was born in hell fire,
The venom that smearing in you,
I'll blindly cost my heart to stop it,
But did I even have a clue,
That you're the one who's killing me bit by bit.

Monday, November 1, 2010


The eyes of the truth seeing are awaken at the end of the night,
And that pair of crystal precious balls reincarnate and summoned at the first sight,
To witness what have been witnessed by souls through dark and light,
And shall be burned by the purity of their guide.
Would the red stained hand come and creeping slow,
Would the condemned heart come and take a bow,
I saw and I should know,
With all the flies and all the crows.

Tuesday, September 21, 2010


The eyesore of looking into the broken heart could never defeat the heart broken of eyesore.
The change in loving someone is somehow a great way to kill the time.
Because, when your love for someone is falling apart, there are no time in this world would run your clock.
The time, that still exist, is only a countdown to your self destruction.
Destructing yourself, piece by piece.
Leave you no chance to put back all your shattered self.
There is no safe way to give all your other half.
To another living soul, to another ticking heart.
As two same red hollow standing for each other in time of stumble and fall.
The wing spread wide open, but no flight could taken off.
As one most decent feather is turning to venom.
The venom that will take it all.
And kill the pain.
The pain of loving.
The pain of suicidal.
Loving, suicidal.

Monday, September 20, 2010

It is the day I die.

All the people walking down that road, cannot differ which is better than which. They just stare at each other, smile with no feeling of deceit.
All the people waking up in that morning, cannot alter the fact that a bird is flying with his destiny is untold.
All the people just don't know how the moon whispered death wish to the star, that the star could accompany him to the journey of the otherside.
The second time I saw my mother, holding my hand, to take me away, realizing that, the woman will drag me away from nothing.
It is the day I die, and I will not tell you.

Friday, August 6, 2010

The Agonist

A beautiful lies inside me crying and hold his killing sensation, express his feeling to the miss murder. He stood still and, staring to the sky, pray to the God, "Thank you, pain". He wait all night to cut the winter with The Sentinent. He knows that when the bough breaks, the synopsis of his murder will have the rise and fall.

He saw that his masters were all born dead and buried alive, because he had to take a bow, everything in the trophy kill, and in between business suits and combat boots will forget tomorrow and he feels no guilt.

Sunday, August 1, 2010

Kurt Cobain's Suicide Note

To Boddah

Speakings from the tongue of an experienced simpleton who obviously would rather be an emasculated, infantile complainee. This note should be pretty easy to understand. All the warnings from the Punk Rock 101 Courses over the years, it's my first introduction to the, shall we say ethics involved with independence and the embracement of your community has been proven to be very true. I haven't felt the excitement of listening to, as well as creating music, along with really writing something for too many years now. I feel guilty beyond words about these things, for example when we're backstage and the lights go out and the manic roar of the crowd begins. It doesn't affect me in the way which it did for Freddie Mercury, whoseemed to love and relish the love and admiration from the crowd, which is something I totally admire and envy. The fact is, I can't fool you, any of you. It simply isn't fair to you, or to me. The worst crime can think of would be to pull people off by faking it, pretending as if I'm having one 100% fun. Sometimes I feel as though I should have a punch-in time clock before I walk out on-stage. I've tried everything within my power to appreciate it, and I do, God believe me, I do, but it's not enough. I appreciate the fact that I, and we, have affected, and entertained a lot of people. I must be one of the narcisists who only appreciate things when they're alone. I'm too sensitive, I need to be slightly numb in order to regain the enthusiasm.But, what's sad is our child. On our last three tours, I've had a much betterappreciation of all the people I've known personally, and as fans of our music. But I still can't get out the frustration, the guilt, and the sympathy I have for everybody. There is good in all of us, and I simply love people too much. So much that it makes me feel too fucking sad. The sad little sensitive unappreciative pisces Jesus man! why don't you just enjoy it? I dont know! I have a of a wide who sweats ambition and empathy, and a daughter who reminds me to much of what I use to be. full of love and joy, every person she meets because everyone is good and will do her no harm. And that terrifies me to the point to where I can barely function. I can't stand the thought of Frances becoming the miserable self destructive, deathrocker she become. I have it good, very good, and I'm grateful, but since the age of seven, I've become hateful towards all humans in general. Only because it seems so easy for people to get along and have empathy. Empathy only because I love and feel for people too much I guess. Thank you from the pit of my burning nauseas stomach for your letters and concern during the last years. I'm too much of a neurotic moody person and I don't have the passion anymore, so remember, it's better to burn out, than to fade away. Peace, love, empathy, Kurt Cobain.

Frances and Courtney, I'll be at your altar. Please keep going Courtney for Frances for her life which will be so much happier without me. I LOVE YOU. I LOVE YOU!

You See?

I don't have any fucking idea or inspiration, on what I want to write. I'm looking down the earth, and up above the sky, and still "nothing special". Ok2, I have one thing to talk about, it's my life.

You know, lately, I always think that, why am I so fucked up, my life messed up, bad in financial, not really in the mood to study, don't have a girlfriend (it's a big issue u know). And then, I tried to improve all of this. I hung up with my friends a lot, go have dinner with them, spent most of the time fooling around. And I found my part time job, to support my financial need (I don't want to eat "spaghetti" for berbuka puasa for this coming Ramadhan). Also, I went to most of the classes this semester eventhough I'm not really like the lecturer (the excuses I made every year for not being in class).

This is the funny part *I think*, I find myself a girl to hangout with, even ask my friends for their friend, and the new students of my college also, how pathetic. And I realize, what the fuck am I doing, I don't need this. All around again, I get back to where have I started. I don't need this. Why do you need anyone, when you have someone and everyone? And I learn to appreciate the someone more. But this is not the point, ok!

Aih, I love a good life.....

Tuesday, July 27, 2010

This Is The End

To stand on top of the highest cliff.
To feel the wind tearing at my clothes, the elements.
The only truth left in a world of lies and hypocrisy.
The beauty of the abyss.
The anticipation, like anticipating the greatest sex, an existential foreplay.
Looking down into oblivion and voidness.
The ground far, far away as it seems from here, but in reality only a couple of seconds away.
Standing there.
Feeling eternity in a restricted world.
Feeling a decision in a prefabricated existence.

To draw the final breath,
To make that little step,
To know, that for once a decision was made,
To feel one foot above the abyss,
To think for a split second you can float in the air like the cartoon characters on TV,
To feel losing balance,
To fall,
To gain speed,
To have the air tear at your hair and clothes,
To feel the cold wind violently caress you,
To see the ground coming closer,
To scream in orgiastic excitement,
To know what you have done,
To know that you have done something for once.

Maybe even: To doubt,
To regret,
To wish yourself back to the top of the peak that you are pacing away from.
To fly into annihilation,
To see the truth, whether it is a beautiful or an unbearable truth for the fraction of a second only.

Those 10 seconds would be - must be - will be much more revealing than 10 years of most other people,
Than the whole life of most other people. More true, essential, focused, divine. Purer. 70 years forced into seconds. Refined into pure knowledge and truth.

Those 10 seconds would be - must be - will be worth a lifetime.

A worthy payment for endless agony

No more endless, unbearable pain.
No more routine.
No more repetition.
No more

Sunday, July 25, 2010


Feels disgusted? Then, find a way to vanish this feeling. Either you want to do it on your own way, by figure out something, or you can just ask some advice from your friends.

This feeling I tell you, is a beautiful feeling, it could awakened the beast in you, and then, without hesitation, the intense of killing rise up upon you. God, please stop, I don't to talk about something terrible anymore, I want to talk about something's nice, beautiful, that if you read my post, you will feels like jumping around, dance around the poll, smiling and waving to other people. What a wonderful world.

If you take a stroll at park in the evening, wearing a flowery shirts buttoned up to the top, tucked in your loose pant, listening to "The Climb" by Miley Cyrus, what a gay person you had become. No, no, that is not the point, the point here is, you can release some of your problem, (if you know what I mean, erkh, I'd rather not), absorb the nature, so beautiful. You will have the great common relationship with other people by giving them a nice smile, have a chat with them, even with the strangers (if I'm the one of those strangers, I would say, "Fuck you").

There are many other way to free up yourself in positive ways. Try it, you will live in peace.

*Please forgive me, if I'm hypocrite*

Friday, July 23, 2010

Fall To The Top

So far, I've been doing a whole lot of things with mt heart standing beside a devil who wrote his name with a liquid paper. Never mind the introduction. You know, we always walk with our eyes stared to the top and the front, but never look back. The significance in what I'm trying to say here is what we all doing all these years is right, if we look back, we might fall into the shit-hole. What the fuck am I try to write here? I'm so sorry for my ridiculousness (is this word exist in this world?).

Just remember one thing, no one is too lucky or too fuck-up. Everyone are just the same (never heard of this world? you should kill yourself with a bloody razor blade). You shouldn't go around, and be a fucker, try to show good you are, because I know, you had realized, that someday, if you don't stop this fucking thing you do, you'll be chop to death by a truck! So just be a person, smile to other people, be nice, and who know, you will live to the end of your life peacefully (although you will be murder by me, cause I really HATE you, but still a soft-killing).

No, I'm not a murderer, I will not do something as terrible as that. I'm just kidding. Now just let all of us laugh together, because you know it's a great joke (is it?). *Sigh*, you know (the one who I hate), you have a very innocent face that a pig could have, you running and jumping around, expecting people to adore you (in which I really fall into that), and then when you know that you can get close to them easily, you will suck their blood till dry (am I talking about a pig or a mosquito here, you figure it out yourself). God, I really hate you, how can a person, or a pig will be more appropriate, live happily in this world? Oh God, please take this creature of Yours away from us.

Now, I want to ask all of you my fellow reader, is this a great story or what? I want to make it as a box office movie, I'm sure it is great, right? (waiting for the answer 5 minutes later, still no answer). Yeah, thank you, it is great. Ok, I can't hardly wait to publish this. God, what a story.

*err, I don't know, part of this is a lie, which one? You tell me.*

Thursday, July 22, 2010

Your tragic affair

With a stolen heart, er actually, a stolen piece of bloody heart your mom, I kept writing here. Bear in mind that I have no intention of getting any publicity, just writing what crossing my mind (if there are any recognition, much appreciated either). That's why, most of my writing if you notice, will make you say, "What the hell", so what the hell too (please read in a right intonation).

What's in my mind even your great aunt's mind, cannot be project 100% correct, original into a piece of paper,(in this case, into words). So I tried as much precise as I could to tell all of you my fellow readers (ergh!!!), what's in my mind. Right now, nothing big to been discuss in this post. Who knows, while I'm writing this, I will have something great to share to all of you ladies, I mean to guys also. So, don't be upset if you read this entire post, and without realizing the statement "What the hell" (again), come out from your mouth, so what the hell.

I have live so many years looking at my pet, Little Ant, Zacob, (it's an ant, her name taken from a character in Twilight, as she love him so much. How do I know? Nevermind), betrayed me as I love her to the fullest, carres her, pat her when she need me. She lied to me (in which aspect? Once again, nevermind), in a very cruel way. But I still love her, nah I lied, I feed her to a tapir. So, what I want to tell you is, fuck you pet, in the right way I mean.

Wednesday, July 21, 2010

The Great Lost of Jimmy "The Rev" Sullivan

I can't hold myself from make an assumption of the way The Rev die late last year. He is a legend yet so young to die, what a waste. I think this could be the sign that he is too great for this world to have him as a drummer, that's why he was 'taken' away, because he want to 'spread' himself and his talent to the others drummer and musician in this world. The power of his talent in music is too great and with a great power come a great responsibility. He is responsible to nurture other talent in this world, by being promoting to the Department of Music in heaven.

There's a rumor being spread-wide said that The Rev had a deal with a devil to give him a great talent in music, and in return, he must give his life at a young age. He kept telling Shadow that, he will become a rock star (in fact, more than a rock star, he is Rock Legend), and he will die before the age of 30. But in my opinion, he didn't ask the devil to give him the talent, but to take half of his talent to give it to other people around the world. And that's why he died early, because his talent is his life, and his life has been half-taken, maybe more.

The new single of Avenged Sevenfold, Nightmare gave us a lil' bit picture of their sadness and how the feels of regret they're having in losing The Rev. About a deal with devil, and why he leave us. If you listen carefully, maybe you can hear The Rev's voice,I DO!!!

To Jimmy "The Rev" Sullivan, I know you can hear me, I miss you, really.

From your big fan, Amirul...:'(

Tuesday, July 20, 2010

Story of a Boy

Do you remember the story of a boy and his first date? She took him to the lake and he fell in love.
She spent one summer waking up between his arm. She told him how good that felt, and told him he was the one.

But then she went away, his calls were not return, He went to see her, but her eyes were burning a different stare, the focus was somewhere else, and that feeling is somehow disappear.

Do you remember when they both drove out of state? Stealing kisses behind her cousin's back, with the love so strong tell me who could wait.

When it seem so right, and it feels so right, it had to be right. But then she went away, and she's not coming back, and I'm pretty sure that boy is staying in tonight...

Thanks to Alkaline trio, for their song, "She Took Him To The Lake"

Monday, July 19, 2010

I'm a boring creature, thanks to you...

So today, we're gonna learn how to solve the algebra problem. First of all, stick out your middle finger to your girlfriend and shout, "hey, what a nice dress you have here, I love you babe"..

I'm sorry, I don't know what I'm talking about, but guess what, the president of your country also don't give a shit what's he is babbling about on that nice looking podifuckingum, as long as what he read on that piece of crap, sounds good and can win a fucking election. You know, we always think that a snail who creeping slowly on the grass, is a boring creature and of course don't have life. But I think, they are the only creature who spend most of their times thinking of the matter of this world. What a snail...

"We are the standout shout! This world unfair! We want a change!" Hey, grow up please, you don't want someone get close to you, and realize that your ball has been crushed hard. Don't be a poser, be a man!..Act speak louder than your mom...

Saturday, July 17, 2010

Lose my breath

The faith has taken up my pride to stop it from being destroyed by the feeling of unconsciousness while I put my life at stake in making the heart of mine believe that love will put my miseries away and considering that I am still fighting for this chance hoping that I will find peace I will lose my breath.

Down From The Sky!!!

A chasm grows, with the cavity of serpentine teeth. Hunger pangs strike, for the sweet feast of innocent bloodshed.
Now here we go.
The vampires feed on the wars of mankind. Growing fat on the throne of an empire, tyrant rules with the threat of a great fire. I've opened up my eyes seen the world for what it's worth. Tears rain down from the sky. They'll blow it all to bits, to prove whose god wields all the power, fire rains down from the sky.
The gaping wounds, hemorrhaging the blood from which they feast. Eat us alive, consume to feed a hunger with no hunger with no end.
Let's fucking go.
This battle's not the same, which they have led us to believe a synthesis of propaganda, terror and deceit. We are the cattle, they the slaughter, our meat: gasoline. They pump us through the machine's valves, to cleanse the world's "disease". We are the ammunition, that will cause all life to cease.
All those who stand in their way.
They'll rain their holocaust.
Down from the sky.

Extracted from, "Down From The Sky by TRIVIUM"

Friday, July 16, 2010

Try to come back

First of all, I don't give a fuck to people who tell me that I don't have a fucking principal. It's me who decide my life and I am now back to blogger world trying to share what in my mind..Hope you enjoy staying in...
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