To stand on top of the highest cliff.
To feel the wind tearing at my clothes, the elements.
The only truth left in a world of lies and hypocrisy.
The beauty of the abyss.
The anticipation, like anticipating the greatest sex, an existential foreplay.
Looking down into oblivion and voidness.
The ground far, far away as it seems from here, but in reality only a couple of seconds away.
Feeling eternity in a restricted world.
Feeling a decision in a prefabricated existence.
To draw the final breath,
To make that little step,
To know, that for once a decision was made,
To feel one foot above the abyss,
To think for a split second you can float in the air like the cartoon characters on TV,
To feel losing balance,
To gain speed,
To have the air tear at your hair and clothes,
To feel the cold wind violently caress you,
To see the ground coming closer,
To scream in orgiastic excitement,
To know what you have done,
To know that you have done something for once.
Maybe even: To doubt,
To wish yourself back to the top of the peak that you are pacing away from.
To fly into annihilation,
To see the truth, whether it is a beautiful or an unbearable truth for the fraction of a second only.
Those 10 seconds would be - must be - will be much more revealing than 10 years of most other people,
Than the whole life of most other people. More true, essential, focused, divine. Purer. 70 years forced into seconds. Refined into pure knowledge and truth.
Those 10 seconds would be - must be - will be worth a lifetime.
A worthy payment for endless agony
No more endless, unbearable pain.
No more routine.
No more repetition.